Soulmates: A Video Documentary by Andrea Wiley

By Robin Caldwell

The trailer for Andrea Wiley’s Soulmates was shuttled between all of my single friends and me, the origin of which, I have no idea. My friend, Denise, was the first to purchase the DVD, and that was not surprising given she’s the trailblazer in the bunch – the one who will try something first. But I was very surprised when my cousin, a minister, asked me if I had seen the documentary. I said no, but he said he owned it. A few weeks later, his wife called and summoned me to a gathering of all of the women in our clan – married and unmarried –to view Soulmates.

Andrea Wiley, who is married, says in the very beginning of Soulmates that her impetus for producing the documentary were all of her single, Christian, and female friends who were unmarried. She felt as though there had to be some reason why so many were single, and in some cases, unhappily so. God bless her for being so empathetic to the plight of her friends who represent a vast majority of black, Christian women in the United States, perhaps even North America. (Who knows? Maybe the problem is global.)

Andrea Wiley

The statistics quoted in the documentary are staggering and mind-blowing. I was stuck on the first one that stated that well over 40% of single, black women in the United States, have never been married. Further along, Wiley shares what percentage of us will actually marry, but I have chosen to forget that statistic, because it was a painful reminder of my condition. At best, I prayed that my friends would escape that last group of women, get married soon, and enjoy their lives.

Soulmates is absolutely touching and unquestionably thought-provoking. Initially, I wanted my married relatives to view it as a means of understanding my plight, but the tables turned as I began to understand their plights a little better. As my brilliant (I’m biased) and beautiful, married cousin Ceray brought to our attention: “Privileged people tend to take their privilege for granted.” She referenced the fact that many married women tend to covet singleness and singles covet being married.

And Andrea Wiley articulates that very sentiment in Soulmates by providing a relatively well-balanced perspective on the subject of singleness and black, Christian women.

Soulmates covers many bases. Wiley gives us the never-married perspective, the divorced perspective, the widowed perspective, the male perspective, the biblical perspective, and my favorite – the straight-up, no-chaser perspective of several participants, including Bishop Kenneth Ulmer of Los Angeles’ Faithful Central Bible Church.

Sonia, one of my younger, married cousins, noted that Soulmates was lacking the “average” woman’s perspective, and she is right. Every last woman interviewed by Wiley is gorgeous, accomplished, and incredibly independent, which beckoned us to wonder what exactly Wiley’s point was. Was she intimating that times must be hard if this group was husbandless? Or, was she innocently suggesting that they are representative of the body of single, saved and black women who desire to be married?

Every rock was overturned in pursuit of an answer to this epidemic or what I believe to be a pandemic. The down low was discussed and explored, but thankfully, not given more credence than is due. The subjects of emotional baggage, desperation and even interracial relationships were explored.

Essentially, the obvious was stated, it is a buyers’ market: Black women disproportionately outnumber black men in the United States. Not only can a black man have his pick of black women, but he can date across racial boundaries AND maybe even decide the terms of a relationship.

Please don’t watch Soulmates for a solution, because you won’t find one. There is no magic formula for finding a mate or becoming mate worthy – Thank you, Jesus! However, Soulmates is long on encouragement and wisdom, especially wisdom that points directly to the Lord.

Noteworthy was Paula Bond’s story of marrying for the first time after 40. If anyone remembers statuesque, beautiful Paula from B.E.T., then her testimony and presence will be a treat.

Soulmates shortcomings: It was too short; certain subjects were glossed over; and it was too short. Note to Mrs. Wiley: This is sequel and/or series worthy.

Many thanks are due to the women who offered their testimonies and time to the project. It takes a great deal of courage to be transparent about a personal issue.

Visit www.soulmatefilm.com for more information on the product and the producer, Andrea Wiley. Purchase it, and invite your girls, married and unmarried, over to the house for a viewing party with a discussion to follow.