Forgivable

By Robin Caldwell

'Dear Husband: Cheat on me and I’m doing a little shopping therapy with your credit cards. Our discretionary fund will be used to help me cope with your indiscretion. But, I will keep the receipts in anticipation of the moment I revisit my senses and have to make a few returns.

"Do you love her? Are you leaving me? Want a divorce? Doing it again?”
Prayerfully, your answer will be "NO" to all of the above, so we can get on with the business at hand—our marriage. Every step after that exchange will be towards making all of our wrongs right. All of my personal steps will be toward forgiveness and accountabilit...'

Right now, there are countless sisters in Christ rolling their eyes, sucking their teeth and praying for my deliverance. I suspect some believe I have totally missed the boat on this issue. Did she dare use forgiveness and accountability in the same sentence regarding adultery? You bet. And, the explanation is simple: Adultery is forgivable.

In all accountability to God I will have to forgive my cheating spouse—the offender—whether he stays or leaves. I will have to forgive the debt as my debts are forgiven. In the scheme of things, adultery, as ugly as it is, is no more unforgivable than lying, theft, murder, covetousness, greed, lust and gossiping. According to my Bible, "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23, KJV)

If the marriage is to continue, then the terms are set by God not the offended spouse. God would not have someone held hostage to a sin He has forgiven. What’s the point? How is He glorified when bitterness and hostility reign over love and forgiveness? God sets the penalty; not humans.

The Lord told the prophet Hosea to marry Gomer, a harlot. He obeyed and she would ultimately cheat on him. Through a series of events she returned home and Hosea received his wife in forgiveness, by ordinance of God:

The story of Hosea and Gomer is an allegory of God’s love for us, the Bride of Christ. We continually sin against Him; chase other gods; neglect the relationship to pursue lustful interests; and He forgives. He takes us back.

Who are we to be less than merciful to others than He is to us? Who are we to forget our own sin in the wake of an offense?

"But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins." (Matthew 6:15, NLT)

Our righteous indignation has the propensity to lead to a self-righteousness that rebels against the spiritual principle set by God—forgiveness. And, there is no scriptural justification for unforgiveness.

Adultery can devastate a Christian home just as it can an unbelieving home. However, the difference is Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith; the Restorer of all things; and the One who makes all things new. Our Savior can fix anything including a broken marriage.

We, also, have the incredible ministry of the Holy Spirit who will convict our hearts; fill us with the knowledge of godly things; and speak to us regarding actions to take in line with God’s will. He is our Aide in getting to the root of the problem and permanently eliminating it.

Ideally, the partners will evaluate the dynamics of their marriage, which means being truthful about any neglect incurred; improper or incompatible sex attitudes and mistreatment in any form. Without an honest and thorough examination the marriage is doomed.

"If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us." (1 John 1:8, NKJV) Joyce Meyer said, "It doesn't hurt" for us to see other’s flaws; it only hurts when we look at our own.

Of course, some folks do not need a reason to cheat and will not repent. This is defilement in its purest form and it requires prayerful action on the part of the offended spouse.

You do not have to be Super Saint to forgive adultery. All that is needed is a sincere commitment to the Lord Jesus who says, "For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more." (Luke 12:48, NKJV)

Forgiveness is not an easy task, but then again, none of the things Jesus commanded are easy. Forgiveness is every bit as difficult as unselfish giving, evangelism, discipleship, and unconditional love. Just believe that if God has truly joined you together with your mate, then no human—you, your mate, or a third party—can put your marriage asunder.

'…So, seek God for direction as I work this thing out. In all fairness, there will be days when I act like nothing happened at all; be grateful. Yet, there will be days when murder is on my mind—hide the knives; on those days try very hard not to say or do anything stupid. In fact, Sweetie, just don’t cheat and we can avoid all of this drama. Okay? Love in Christ, Your Wife!'