Deadly Desperation

But even so, I don’t feel special. All it takes is one moment and one man and one decision, and I’m just as capable of choosing the one who’d send me to an early grave. Thus, my fear and concern.

I was thinking that you or I could warn women to stop being desperate but it wouldn’t help, because most don’t know or even acknowledge that they are desperate. Most are in denial. And on any given day, I may be in denial too.

It also wouldn’t help to laden ourselves and our friends with overused clichés, such as “love yourself first,” “if you see crazy coming, cross the street,” and the oversimplified, “let the man pursue you.” Desperate doesn’t mean a woman is chasing a man, it just means that her impetus for being with him is suspect and due to her deeply-rooted desires. Loving yourself means so many different things to different people. And, honestly, crazy is becoming harder and harder to recognize these days; we often think crazy is normal.

The ONLY thing that worked for me and works for me to this day is a dependence on the guidance of God through His Holy Spirit. I’ve asked Him to increase my discernment, quicken my spirit in the presence of trouble, and remove anyone or anything that could potentially do me serious harm. I trust the request, I trust Him, but in the scheme of things, it is me I do not trust. After all, I am fallible, capable of making grievous errors, and extremely short-sighted when it comes to my personal desires, which is why I need Jesus, desperately.

Years ago, after the end of a violent relationship, the Lord spoke to me loud and clear. His Spirit commanded, “How dare you think less of yourself than I think of you!” Clueless, I searched Scripture high and low to find out what He thought of me. It would take years before I could fully grasp the concept of loving myself by His standard and by His example.

That one night impacted my life in an incredible way. In the end, I had but one choice to make and that was to surrender all of my choices to Him, which was easier said than done. There have been many occasions when I have taken that privilege back from God, revoking His headship and lordship over my life. But He doesn’t, thankfully, pay me much attention. And so far He hasn’t totally given me over to my selfish desires.