The Secret Society

I belong to a secret society. It is a not-so elite membership of individuals who have whispered or shouted confessions of childhood abuse. Sadly, our ranks continue to grow.

What makes it a secret society? Well, it is pretty hard to discern who among family, friends, co-workers, or strangers belong to this club. Gauging from our appearances, you would not know who has been molested, beat senseless, emotionally battered, starved, neglected and abandoned.

Few wear their abuse as a badge of honor. There are no ceremonies or purple hearts for surviving the atrocities of abuse. No, we "unproudly" wear the damage.

Surviving the abuse is a cakewalk. One day you wake up and it’s over. No more violent words or jabs thrown in your direction. No more hands where they don’t belong. The perpetrator has either moved on to his/her next victim or you have moved away.

But, the hardest part of abuse is the aftermath. Just when you’re adjusting to your new normal as an unabused person, the damage creeps up and attacks. It never happens at a convenient time. Ultimately, the speech and behavior of secret society members betray us and we are exposed.

For example, a young woman might become promiscuous and careless in affairs of the heart. A young man might turn to drugs and alcohol or criminal activity. Perhaps, she/he will have trouble maintaining employment or a stable lifestyle. Then there is the temper the damaging effects of abuse are as varied as the forms of abuse.

I will always be grateful for the day my grandparents rescued me. Actually, I held a standoff in their attic, refusing to unlock the door until a decision was made: ‘Either you let me stay here or I’m leaving forever. I don’t know where I’m going but I know I’m not going back there! I just can’t put up with another minute of…’

They let me stay.

The adjustment to quiet and safety was difficult. At fourteen years old, I suffered from serious shell shock. I slept rarely and restlessly while in constant fear of more abuse.

That is not normal behavior for a teen.

However, the bulk of my “issues” were manifested in blind ambition and a chronic need to prove myself worthy. I was unrelenting in my pursuit of validation.

‘I will do whatever you ask; whenever you ask; however you ask…just don’t make me go back!’

Healing was a slow, painful process. It is the one thing I wish on my worst enemy, because Jesus Christ was the healing. Once He removed the bitter root established inside of me and all of the anguish, I was free.

Recently, I heard a testimony that exemplifies my acceptance of God’s healing. A formerly self-destructive saint said God told him, “I love you too much to leave you as you are…”

God just loved me too much.

Is there someone in your circle who belongs to the secret society? Is it you? For the sake of personal healing, take the time to encourage confession. Find a licensed Christian counselor, a trustworthy pastor, or a friend and talk about it.

If you are the witness to the abuse of a child—squeal! Drop a dime. Scripture teaches, “Render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s and unto God what is God’s.” (Matthew 22:21) The child in question is God’s property and the abuse he or she is suffering is a crime punishable by Caesar—the government or law. This is your duty as a Christian; it is a non-option and non-negotiable. Fail to obey and you’re complicit.

For years, I kept a button planted in my office bulletin board which read, “Silence is the voice of complicity.” To remain quiet and detached, when you are fully aware of an injustice or unrighteous act, is just as bad as committing the act. Children are precious…priceless creations of God. The saints are called to protect them at all costs. And, our best preventative measure is to speak UP—literally.

• Pray and ask God to offer constant protection over the children in your circle. Beg Him to never take His hands off of them.
• Seek His wisdom and guidance in confronting a perpetrator. Most likely, He will direct your steps right to the police station.
• Lean on the courage He has deposited in you to deal with abuse in your family. Sitting by and allowing it to continually happen is not His sovereign will. It has to stop.
• Ask Him to expose abuse in every form. Learn to identify it correctly and confidently.
• Listen to His voice for the guidance needed to support a victim wisely.
• Obey His command to forgive. Your freedom is tied to forgiveness.

It does not help to constantly question why God allowed the abuse to happen you to you or a loved one. People have free will.

However, it does help to accept the fact that God loves us too much to allow us to remain damaged. And, it helps to know that if you hurt, He’s hurt, too.

Membership has its rewards: I can share the fellowship of His suffering. And, I have a testimony that can be used at His discretion and sovereign will to heal/save/help someone else.

Still, I hope for the day when the secret society is officially disbanded. Another child need not suffer.